Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Last Friends...

I just finished watching the last episode of Friends. I couldn't keep myself from crying. I've been watching all the seasons again since I got them for Christmas.

Tonight I made "better than mhhm cookies"; burnt the first batch because I didn't set a timer. They don't taste the same. I don't have my good Guittard chocolate chips, just like I don't have my good friends here to share them with me. There's no good in eating cookies alone.

Chadly and Josh aren't here to pretend to worry about their manly waistlines and then proceed to eat at least 4-5 cookies a piece. Sarah isn't here for me to put my head on her shoulder. Amy isn't here in her cute socks and sweatshirt. Emilee is far away in the Philippines and Cassie is back at school.

We are all spread apart now; moved on from our Brooklane days. I'm the furthest away and tonight I'm feeling it. All alone in my studio apartment with only the company of Harper, the cat I got on Saturday. Still trying to decide if that was a good choice or not. Listening to "The Freshman" by The Verve Pipe on repeat. Left a voicemail for Sarah. And now, I'm writing this sentimental blog post.

I don't know how we got here. How I got here. So far away from anything I ever imagined. It's where I'm supposed to be, but I'm scared. I wonder if I have what it takes; wonder if I'll ever feel like a grownup.

For the first time in my life I'm not afraid of failure, but I need to make sure I give it my best shot.  Right now I'm struggling to navigate all of the changes in my life. To fully embrace all of the opportunities laid before me.

I can do it. Just keep telling yourself that Clarissa...

Friends photo source

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