a fabulous trip to pdx

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Over Memorial Day weekend, Dale and I took our first road trip together to the wonderful land of hipsters aka Portland. We headed out from the Tri-Cities Saturday morning armed with large sodas from McDonald's (Diet Dr. Pepper with no ice for him, Diet Coke with lemon for me), sourpatch kids, and goldfish--all topped off with a mix CD I made for the drive.

We spent a few days in Portlandia exploring the Pearl District and the Kenton Station neighborhood. Minus me catching a nasty cold halfway through our trip, it couldn't have been a more perfect mini vacation for us.

Portland Saturday Market

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Our first stop was the Portland Saturday Market. We arrived a little after 10am and spent the rest of the morning exploring the area before we headed to Mi Mero Mole for lunch. I wish I'd taken a picture of the burritos we got. They were AMAZING. Dale did an excellent job picking out this place. After lunch we headed towards the heart of the Pearl District for a little book browsing at Powell's. 

Kenton Station

For our two-night stay in Portland, we decided to try out Airbnb and stayed at a great little two-bedroom studio in the Kenton Station neighborhood. It was perfect for us and was much more reasonably priced than a hotel. For anyone who hasn't used Airbnb before, I would definitely recommend it. It took putting in for a few places before we got this one but it all worked out quite well in the end.

airbnb kenton station studio 

Kenton Station was a cute little neighborhood on the north side of town. Only a few blocks from where we stayed was a quaint little corridor filled with shops and restaurants. Saturday night we ate dinner at the Kenton Station Restaurant & Pub and it did not disappoint. The sandwiches were so big we saved half for lunch the next day.

his and hers hot cocoa at cup & saucer cafe

We ate a lot of good food on our trip but my favorite place was definitely the Cup & Saucer Cafe. Just a few blocks from our Airbnb, we walked down for breakfast two days in a row--it was that good. From dense blueberry biscuits to delish egg scrambles filled with bacon, Tillamook cheddar cheese, and jalapenos, this place knew what it was doing. The staff was also incredibly friendly and welcoming, which in my opinion always adds to a pleasurable dining experience.

hanging out with paul bunyan

Washington Park

international rose test garden

On Sunday we headed to Washington Park, home to the International Rose Test Garden, Oregon Zoo, and Portland Children's Museum among many other attractions. It was a busy day at the park. The rose garden was filled with tourists snapping pictures and admiring the bountiful blooms, so naturally we joined in on the fun. After we'd had our fair share of roses, we hopped on the very convenient shuttle and headed to the Oregon Zoo.

The zoo was packed with families and couples but we still enjoyed spending the afternoon walking through the exhibits. By this time my cold was starting to take over, so we only made it through about half of the zoo before heading back to our little studio so I could take a nap. After some much needed rest, we ventured out for dinner. I still wasn't feeling too good so we stopped at the grocery store for medicine and juice. Then we spent the rest of the night relaxing, eating sorbet, and watching Netflix together.

posing with the roses

Multnomah Falls

multnomah falls

Monday morning we took a little scenic detour to see Multnomah Falls before heading back to the Tri-Cities. When we drove out of Portland a reader board indicated the parking lot for the falls was full but we didn't let that deter us. Armed with determination and patience, Dale was able to snag us a great parking spot. The falls are over 600 feet tall and there's a lovely bridge you can access to get a closer look.

Our first road trip was an absolute blast. We're looking forward to many more fun adventures together!

losing my single status

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Well kids, it's finally happened. This longtime single girl is single no more. Yes, I have a boyfriend! Are you still breathing? Did you fall over in your chair? Take a step back and just breathe. Everything is ok. You have not been transported to Tomorrowland or any other land where dreams come true. This is real life.

Two months ago I had a different job and was just mildly testing the waters on Match.com. I'd messaged a few guys and a few had reached out to me, but I hadn't found anyone I was particularly interested in. Then one day I received a sweet, well-written message from a cute, LDS guy from the Tri-Cities that made me laugh out loud and smile in a special way.

Over the course of a week or so we sent a few emails back and forth and started getting to know each other. I could tell that this guy was truly interested in me and honestly, the whole thing really freaked me out. It was such a foreign feeling. I was excited but also scared and unsure how to act. 

A few days after we initially started talking I started my new job and used that as an excuse to not reply to his latest message for a couple of days. I wasn't sure how to move forward or if I even wanted to keep emailing. Do I really like this guy or is it just nice to be wanted? What does dating even look like anymore? Can I really do it? Am I capable of letting someone really know me again? All of these questions, along with so many more, bounced around in my head. I was definitely having what they describe in the scriptures as a "stupor of thought". Then, he sent me a short message saying he hoped my first week at my new job was going well. It was time to make a decision--jump in or walk away.

I've struggled with my spirituality over the last few years, especially this past year or so. In my darker times I let simple sources of strength like prayer and scripture reading fall to the wayside. When faced with my aforementioned stupor of thought, I decided to do something I hadn't done in a long time--say a real, heartfelt prayer. It was a short, simple prayer asking for direction and guidance, but it was the first time I humbled myself enough to submit my will to Heavenly Father's. I was blessed with a distinct answer that I should continue my correspondence with Mr. Tri-Cities. I jumped in and haven't looked back.

Next week it will be a year since my personal essay, Accepting the Single Status When Everyone Else is a Couple, was published on The Everygirl. I am in complete awe at how quickly one's life can change. Everything they say about finding love when you least expect it is true. I always thought it was a load of crap, but now thanks to Mr. Tri-Cities, I've joined the believers. And I've got to say, it's a pretty amazing place to be.

I've found that light at the end of the tunnel that I've been searching for. Like I predicted, it's certainly a different hue than I ever imagined, but it's brighter and more brilliant than anything I could have ever hoped. The kind of happiness I am experiencing right now is unlike anything I've ever encountered.

The smallest step really can lead to great things. I believe that with all of my heart.

the odds of being alone

"Wouldn't you like to know the odds of being alone? I need answers now cause I am caught off guard. The quiet feels so loud. Tell me this is the hardest part."

- The Odds of Being Alone by Trent Dabbs ft. Amy Stroup

This past week, I've been unable to shake the nagging fear that I might end up alone. Sure it's a thought that occupies my consciousness periodically, but lately it's been at the forefront of my mind. Given some more recent happenings and revelations in my life, I believe this feeling is only natural. I know it will pass and hope will takes its place as it usually does. But right now the fear is very real.

It's not so much that I'm consumed by loneliness, but rather I'm acutely aware that the majority of my time is spent alone. I've grown accustomed to occupying the role of the single girl in almost all of my peer groups straight down to my family. It's not a bad role to fill, but like anything else, it comes with its own challenges. Sometimes being the one who's in a different place gets old. Being strong feels overrated. There's a light at the end of the tunnel I'm sure, it's just further away and a different hue than I always assumed.

It's baffling how one piece of information linked to a long unanswered question can completely transform your reality. How that knowledge can destroy hope you didn't fully realize you were harboring. Everything really can change in a instance. Suddenly, you can stop putting pressure on the wound. There isn't any blood left to bleed. Whether you like it or not, you're free. But freedom is a two-edged sword. Suddenly the lines you've drawn are crossed and life is altered forever. You'll live through it--of that you're sure--but for now, it takes a lot to live.

I know the fear won't last forever. My odds of being alone are slim. So I'll wage the war and fight to reclaim the hope I know is near.

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You Don't Know Me Yet - Part 1

 

True confession: About a month ago, I made profiles on ldssingles.com, ldsmingle.com, and match.com. I'd considered trying online dating for awhile and decided to finally give it a go. Well, after precisely one week and without interacting with anyone, I freaked out and promptly deactivated my accounts. Dating--I don't how to do that! Plus, how do you portray yourself in a way that is both appealing and honest? What information do I even put on a dating profile?

Now that a little bit of time has passed since my first failed attempt, I've been reconsidering trying online dating again--for real this time. I don't know where to start and I'm still not sure if it's something I really want to do. However, I do know that writing helps me sort my feelings out. So here it goes, part one of what I would want a potential dating prospect to know about me if there weren't any rules or acceptable word lengths...

***

You don't know me yet, but if you were to take the time here is a little bit of what you'd find out:

I love my family. We tell each other more than we probably should sometimes but that's because we love and trust each other. I have good, strong relationships with both of my parents and FaceTime with my mom almost every day even if it's just for a few minutes. I also have great relationships with my two younger siblings. My brother is gay and is married to a wonderful man. My sister is also married and in the process of helping her sweet husband immigrate from Egypt to the United States. My parents were high school sweethearts and have been married for nearly 28 years. We're not a cookie-cutter, perfect Mormon family but our love runs deep.

I'm fairly simple when it comes to having a good time. My idea of a fun night out is perusing the aisles of Target before catching the premiere of The Hunger Games armed with a generous bag of sour patch kids. I love trying new restaurants, going to museums, camping, and shopping. Give me a TJ Maxx and I'm happy. The best part of shopping is finding a killer deal. I learned how to bargain shop from my thrifty mom. I enjoy baking over cooking, although I think I do both fairly well.

Reading and writing are both big parts of my life although I always feel like I could and should be doing more of both. My mind is stimulated when I read publications like the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and Time magazine. Knowing that I'm a good writer is one of the only things in life I've ever been completely sure of--and that I can sing. I've never had any true formal training but I know I have a good voice and enjoy singing. I grew up on country music but have an appreciation for many genres.

I played softball all growing up but I don't consider myself super athletic, although I do enjoy being active. I'm up for a 5K or bike ride along the lake anytime. Now volleyball or basketball, you might have to twist my arm a bit (I'm not very good at either). I'd really like to learn how to play tennis and I've never been golfing before but would like to try it one of these days. 

I confess I don't really understand or have much experience with how dating works. However, like my kindred spirit Ted Mosbey says in the first episode of How I Met Your Mother, if you were to bear with me through the dating part, I think I would make a damn good wife and a wonderful mother because that's the kind of stuff I'd be good at. At my very core those are the only two things I really want to be. Everything else is a bonus.

Interested in getting to know me? Stay tuned for part two.

(And At Christmas You Tell the Truth)

The truth is I gave my heart away some time ago. Years have passed and I'm still trying to put all the pieces back together. My wounds have healed but some unanswered questions remain. Maybe they always will. Among other things, I've learned that sometimes you have to live without your ideal form of closure.

Reflecting on the past in an attempt to understand the present and move forward towards the future, I often wonder: What emotions or memories has time blurred? How much of what I remember or think about is based in reality? I know that at 22 I was as hopeful and foolish as a Taylor Swift love song. Desperate to make sense of impending post-college life and feeling completely alone, I clutched at everything I thought would bring me closer to the picture I had in my mind of what my life was supposed to look like. That approach didn't work very well. Happily, I've survived and become a better person for it.

For awhile I was so hurt and confused I didn't know how to get my heart back. To be honest, I don't think I really wanted it back. It was mine to give and I wanted nothing more than to start a life with someone I loved by my side. The dream had become tangible for the first time and yet, it still eluded my grasp.

Last Christmas my little sister got married. This summer my three closest college roommates, including my best friend, said "I do". My brother also tied the knot. Here in Chicago the majority of my friends and coworkers are either married or in serious relationships. It's no exaggeration that I'm often the only "single" person.

Maturity and time have provided me with much needed insight and perspective. I'm surrounded by couples and I can truthfully say I'm genuinely happy for them. Do I wish I had the relationship portion of my life figured out already? Absolutely. Do I want to be married and have a family? More than anything. Am I learning to embrace who I am and the life I'm living? Every day.

The truth is I'm still trying to figure myself and love out. That's ok. Love is actually all around.

True Love

photo by Lou Lou Photography

My parents met in high school at an early morning church class called seminary. It took awhile for my dad to ask my mom on a date but eventually he did. Not long after their first date my parents knew they were meant to be together.

After high school my dad served a church mission in Texas for two years and my mom went off to BYU. Three months after my dad returned home from his mission they were married in the Seattle temple. A year later they had me. A few years after that my brother came into the picture. A couple more years passed and my little sister was born.

Today my parents celebrated their 27th wedding anniversary. I feel honored and blessed to see first hand the loving, tender relationship my parents share. Both my mom and dad had difficult childhoods. It is truly a miracle that they found each other and were able to create such a loving, wonderful home environment for me and my siblings. 

My parents--that is what true love looks like. Because of their example, I have hope and faith that one day I too can have a strong, enduring marriage. Alone and together, life for my parents has rarely been easy. But no matter the obstacles they've faced individually and as a couple, my parents have always clung to each other and the Lord for support. Neither one of them is perfect, but together my parents continue to beat the odds.

Thank you mom and dad for loving each other so purely and unconditionally. Happy Anniversary!