You Don't Know Me Yet - Part 1

 

True confession: About a month ago, I made profiles on ldssingles.com, ldsmingle.com, and match.com. I'd considered trying online dating for awhile and decided to finally give it a go. Well, after precisely one week and without interacting with anyone, I freaked out and promptly deactivated my accounts. Dating--I don't how to do that! Plus, how do you portray yourself in a way that is both appealing and honest? What information do I even put on a dating profile?

Now that a little bit of time has passed since my first failed attempt, I've been reconsidering trying online dating again--for real this time. I don't know where to start and I'm still not sure if it's something I really want to do. However, I do know that writing helps me sort my feelings out. So here it goes, part one of what I would want a potential dating prospect to know about me if there weren't any rules or acceptable word lengths...

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You don't know me yet, but if you were to take the time here is a little bit of what you'd find out:

I love my family. We tell each other more than we probably should sometimes but that's because we love and trust each other. I have good, strong relationships with both of my parents and FaceTime with my mom almost every day even if it's just for a few minutes. I also have great relationships with my two younger siblings. My brother is gay and is married to a wonderful man. My sister is also married and in the process of helping her sweet husband immigrate from Egypt to the United States. My parents were high school sweethearts and have been married for nearly 28 years. We're not a cookie-cutter, perfect Mormon family but our love runs deep.

I'm fairly simple when it comes to having a good time. My idea of a fun night out is perusing the aisles of Target before catching the premiere of The Hunger Games armed with a generous bag of sour patch kids. I love trying new restaurants, going to museums, camping, and shopping. Give me a TJ Maxx and I'm happy. The best part of shopping is finding a killer deal. I learned how to bargain shop from my thrifty mom. I enjoy baking over cooking, although I think I do both fairly well.

Reading and writing are both big parts of my life although I always feel like I could and should be doing more of both. My mind is stimulated when I read publications like the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and Time magazine. Knowing that I'm a good writer is one of the only things in life I've ever been completely sure of--and that I can sing. I've never had any true formal training but I know I have a good voice and enjoy singing. I grew up on country music but have an appreciation for many genres.

I played softball all growing up but I don't consider myself super athletic, although I do enjoy being active. I'm up for a 5K or bike ride along the lake anytime. Now volleyball or basketball, you might have to twist my arm a bit (I'm not very good at either). I'd really like to learn how to play tennis and I've never been golfing before but would like to try it one of these days. 

I confess I don't really understand or have much experience with how dating works. However, like my kindred spirit Ted Mosbey says in the first episode of How I Met Your Mother, if you were to bear with me through the dating part, I think I would make a damn good wife and a wonderful mother because that's the kind of stuff I'd be good at. At my very core those are the only two things I really want to be. Everything else is a bonus.

Interested in getting to know me? Stay tuned for part two.

stop the glorification of busy

image by A Pair of Pears

True confession time--balancing everything life has to offer is hard. Grad school is hard. Eating healthy and exercising is hard. Keeping my studio apartment clean is hard. Waking up on time is hard. You get the idea.

I detest the glorification of busy that consumes our society. Like somehow busyness equates worth. I used to buy into that idea, in fact I whole-heartedly believed it to be true. Then I had a complete mental, emotional, and physical breakdown my freshman year of college. I've been on the path to rebuilding myself and my expectations ever since.

Lately I've found myself falling victim to the catchall phrase: "I'm so busy..." The combination of grad school staring again and my efforts to be more social have sometimes left me feeling like I'm on a merry-go-round I can't get off.

So what do you do when you feel overwhelmed? It's easy to tell yourself to just suck it up and that other people do so much more than you do--you should be able to handle this. Don't listen to those lies. If you're feeling overwhelmed, acknolwedge those feelings and figure out the different choices you can make so you feel more centered.

For me this past week, those different choices included saying no to an event I wanted to attend so I could get caught up on homework and clean my apartment. I also went to yoga Friday night with a friend.

Too often being "busy" means feeling out of control and frazzled. I want to be actively engaged in my life and the the activities I enjoy. Part of that process is figuring out when to push yourself and say yes and when to allow yourself to say no.

Finding life balance is a life long endeavor. I'd love to know how all of you manage the stresses of life. What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? How do keep yourself from falling into the "busy" trap?

True Confession: Flaws

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Flaws. I'm not talking about liking cashews or not wearing sock with sneakers. I mean those ugly parts of our personalities we'd like to think we don't have but do. Think you're perfect? Look again my friend. We are all flawed.

True confession: I'm a bailer. Too often in social situations I decide not to go at the last minute. I've committed and told people I will be there but when it comes time to actually show up my social anxiety gets the better of me and I can't pull the trigger.

Case in point. This weekend we had a regional conference/outing for the single adults in my church. On a normal week my anxiety would be a hill I have to climb, but a particularly rough week turned that hill into a mountain. Now that's not to say I couldn't have strapped on my boots and conquered the beastly mountain. There are times when I have, but this wasn't one of them.

Activities were stretched over Saturday and Sunday. Saturday I didn't go to anything but at least I had Sunday where I could redeem myself somewhat. I agreed to help out with the food committee on Sunday in hopes that having an obligation would make it easier for me to get my butt out of bed. My sweet friend even reached out to make sure I had a ride.

I don't like the fact that I'm a bailer. I don't want that label or reputation. It's rude to others and doesn't serve me well. I guess the first step in remedying a flaw is acknowledging you have one. You can't change what you don't know. Just like I seek others' forgiveness, I have to forgive myself.

On the bright side, I have times where I conquer my anxiety and show up and those times usually turn out pretty well. The goal is to win more battles than I lose. That's what I'm working on.

This weekend's verdict: Social Anxiety - 1; Clarissa - 0. Battle on!

Confessions of My Unorganized Life

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Do you ever feel like you're going so fast and your to-do list is so long you can't stop to get organized?

I experience periods in my life where I feeling like I'm treading water. Even though swimming (i.e. taking the time to get organized) would be a more effective, faster way to reach my destination, I get stuck spinning in circles. It's what I know how to do, despite the fact that it's not really working so well.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I tell myself I'll get organized but too often I don't slow down and focus long enough to make it happen.

In the spirit of Usher, these are my confessions: 

• Reading a textbook while lying on my bed is a sure way to fall asleep and fall behind in class.
• Even with one set of dishes and no roommates I still have an overflowing, dirty sink.
• Working out after work rarely happens if I go home first or don't have something scheduled with a friend.
• Lying down for a "30 min" nap almost always turns into 2.5 hrs.
• Doing homework at home always takes me twice as long.
• Not making a grocery list ensures that I consistently forget at least two items I need to pick up.

True Confession

 

I'm not exactly sure when it started but for the longest time my best friend and I have had "true confession" moments. We have a very open and honest friendship, but if either one of us starts a conversation with "true confession..." you know whatever the other one says is going to be extra juicy and revealing. It's our own little signal of sorts--prepare yourself girlfriend.

A few months ago my best friend Sarah got engaged. We live over 1,000 miles apart so I met her fiance for the first time only a few weeks ago when I was in town for two of our college roommates' weddings. 

True confession: For a brief period during my visit and a little bit afterward, I was angry at my best friend for being engaged.

I was thrilled to finally meet her fiance but quickly became annoyed by the new dynamics their engagement created. I found myself disappointed that we didn't get to spend more time together one-on-one during my visit. I didn't want to share her with him. In college none of us dated anyone seriously so we never had to balance time between friends and boyfriends. I kept thinking: I've been around longer than you, pal! (Sorry Roberto...I still love you!)  

I lost my perspective and made the situation more about my "loss" rather than focusing on the true joy I feel about Sarah's happiness. Upon returning home to Chicago, I spent some time reflecting on my feelings. I realized that my tendency toward anger and resentment were both normal reactions, but they were also toxic. I acknowledged what I felt, worked through it and decided to move on.

I'm grateful for the maturity that comes with age and experience. Had I been in this same scenario as a 21-year-old I don't think I would have been able to gain perspective so quickly, if at all. Sarah is a dear friend. She knows everything about me and loves me unconditionally, true confessions and all. I couldn't ask for more. I'm beyond excited to be a bridesmaid next week and to see her marry the incredible man who's won her heart.