Sunday, July 21, 2013

True Confession: Flaws

Flaws. I'm not talking about liking cashews or not wearing sock with sneakers. I mean those ugly parts of our personalities we'd like to think we don't have but do. Think you're perfect? Look again my friend. We are all flawed.

True confession: I'm a bailer. Too often in social situations I decide not to go at the last minute. I've committed and told people I will be there but when it comes time to actually show up my social anxiety gets the better of me and I can't pull the trigger.

Case in point. This weekend we had a regional conference/outing for the single adults in my church. On a normal week my anxiety would be a hill I have to climb, but a particularly rough week turned that hill into a mountain. Now that's not to say I couldn't have strapped on my boots and conquered the beastly mountain. There are times when I have, but this wasn't one of them.

Activities were stretched over Saturday and Sunday. Saturday I didn't go to anything but at least I had Sunday where I could redeem myself somewhat. I agreed to help out with the food committee on Sunday in hopes that having an obligation would make it easier for me to get my butt out of bed. My sweet friend even reached out to make sure I had a ride.

I don't like the fact that I'm a bailer. I don't want that label or reputation. It's rude to others and doesn't serve me well. I guess the first step in remedying a flaw is acknowledging you have one. You can't change what you don't know. Just like I seek others' forgiveness, I have to forgive myself.

On the bright side, I have times where I conquer my anxiety and show up and those times usually turn out pretty well. The goal is to win more battles than I lose. That's what I'm working on.

This weekend's verdict: Social Anxiety - 1; Clarissa - 0. Battle on!

1 comment:

  1. Hey guess what? The introvert in me wants to bail all the time! I would usually rather be on my couch curled up to a movie. The fact that I hate to disappoint people prevents the bailing most of the time but the temptation is always there.

    The fact that you wrote this out is pretty rockstar of you and it makes me want to do this as a weekly exercise in my prayer journal. Thanks for the inspiration friend!