#WhyIWrite

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This morning when I opened Twitter I discovered it was National Day on Writing. Writers all over the world have been sharing their individual motivation for writing with the hashtag #WhyIWrite. Naturally, I followed suit.

I write for a lot of reasons but my main motivations is this---truth. I write to reveal the truth inside and around me. Writing is one of the main forms I use to process my emotions and feelings. It's therapeutic but like so many self-care tactics can be difficult to do. Sometimes the truth is scary. Sometimes I don't want to come to grips with reality. Sometimes it feels easier (even though ultimately it's not) to keep it all inside.

I chose my career based on my ability to write. Even though I doubt myself and my abilities more than I care to admit, like the Anne Sexton quote above, I know writing is something I was born to do. That sounds cheesy, I know, but being able to write is one of the few things I've always known I can do well.

At 28 years old, I'm just getting started in my career. I have so much more to learn and many writing techniques to master. Every day I hone my copywriting, blogging, and marketing writing skills a little bit more. Thanks to the blogosphere there have been at least a few occasions when my personal writing has found its way into people's hearts. Those are the moments I cherish most and hope to produce more of in the future.

I know as long as I follow my high school teacher's admonition to never stop writing, I'll be ok.

starting a new chapter

It's been a long time since I've written on my blog. Why? I'm not totally sure. I think too often I have ideas and then don't take the time to go through the writing process, which is odd since I consider myself a writer. I've had plenty to say but lacked the conviction or drive to say it. The time has come to break my silence.

I've lived in Spokane for over seven months now. That's kind of hard to believe. At the end of 2014, I made the decision to leave my awesome downtown apartment and move in with my parents. Student loans are a tough pill to swallow. Living with my parents is allowing me to pay down my credit card debt and student loans so I can starting saving to buy a house. My goal is to have purchased a house in Spokane by my 30th birthday--2+ years and counting! Being financially responsible and realistic is not a very fun part of adulthood but I keep reminding myself that making sacrifices now will help me secure a better future for myself.

When I accepted my job with Gonzaga and moved to Spokane last summer, I thought I would be at Gonzaga for a long time. I saw my current position with the Virtual Campus as the first step towards a successful career as a Zag. However, I've decide to cut my time at GU short.

I recently interviewed and was offered a Communication Specialist position with the Spokane County Library District. This Friday will be my last day at Gonzaga--at least for the time being.

My new role with the library is exactly what I branded myself for when I graduated from grad school. I have several years of professional experience, but this job feels like my first real move towards a career in non-profit communications. I'm excited and scared to peel off the security blanket of higher ed and put myself in a position where I can really showcase and improve my skills. School has always been my safe place, which is why I think I've always gravitated towards working for a university. Up to this point in my professional life, I haven't known anything else.

Taking this new job is a brave step for me. I have hope the risk will reap great rewards. Slowly but surely I'm working on improving the varying aspects of my life. I'm trying online dating and two weeks ago started working with a physical trainer to get myself back to a normal workout routine. Even though it hasn't been very long, I'm already starting to feel stronger and healthier. I forgot how awesome endorphins can make you feel. I've been attending church more regularly and with my new work schedule I'll finally be able to start attending institute on Wednesday nights.

Change is always a little unnerving. As I start this new chapter I'm both thrilled and terrified. However, despite my roller coaster of emotions, I have confidence that I'm charging forward on the right path.

Published on The Everygirl!

 I'm so excited and honored to have my writing published on The Everygirl today!

A few months ago after writing this post, Alaina contacted me about expanding the post into a feature-length piece. I was so touched that she reached out to me. My first summer in Chicago I had the chance to be among the first batch of Everygirl interns. It's always been a goal of mine to have a feature piece published on the site.

I wrote many drafts until I felt my essay accurately conveyed my feelings about being single. I couldn't have done it without the input and feedback of two dear friends, Sarah and Tasha. Thanks ladies for helping me figure out what I wanted to say and how to say it!

I hope this essay resonates with readers and helps someone in some small way.

"I don’t want to be alone but right now that’s my reality. Even though I’m uncertain about my future, I’ve learned to put my trust in hope rather than fear. My life is not the way I pictured it. I’ve had heartaches, successes, and adventures I would have never imagined. And even though I’m afraid of ending up alone, I know the fear won’t last forever. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel—I’m sure—it’s just further away and a different hue than I always expected." - Clarissa Fidler

The Everygirl's 30 Day Challenge

image via The Everygirl

I love the idea of doing a 30 Day Challenge, so I was excited when last week The Everygirl announced a 30 Days of Journaling challenge beginning April 1st (tomorrow!). In some ways I use this blog as my journal, but there are some things even I like to keep to myself.

Writing is how I process my emotions and experiences. Too often I don't write at all because I want my writing to be polished and succinct right from the get go. After years of schooling I should know that's not the case.

That's the beautiful thing about journaling. You can free write and not worry about your reader, punctuation, or forming a complete, cohesive thought.

For the 30 day challenge I plan on writing by hand in an actual journal. I spend so much time in front of a screen I think it will be a good excuse to pull away. Writing by hand is a different experience than typing.

Interested in doing the 30 Days of Journaling challenge? Click here to read The Everygirl's post.

The Pain of Writing

photo by paper pastries

Ernest Hemingway said, "There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." Today we sit in front of computers but Hemingway's sentiment still rings true. The act of writing is fulfilling yet painful.

Between undergrad and grad school, I've spent an infinite number of hours typing stories and papers on my laptop. Afternoons and all-nighters filled with despair, Coca-Cola, and fervency. Fulfilling a writing assignment usually feels as physically and mentally exhausting as running a marathon.

When I have a story deadline, I typically procrastinate because the blank page is a wall that appears too tall to climb. So I sit at the bottom and look up in dismay. Hours before my story is due I begin scaling the wall while the clock steadily dwindles. I need the fever of a deadline to spur me into action.

This dysfunctional writing cycle produces unnecessary pain and stress. Once I finish my story, with only a few minutes to spare, I sit and wonder why I didn't start sooner. Inevitably, the wall is easier to scale once I start climbing. Next time, I tell myself, it'll be different. The process doesn't have to be this way and yet, it's a habit I can't break.

I haven't written on my blog for almost two months because I either haven't felt like I've had anything worthwhile to say or the simple act of writing my feelings/thoughts down has felt too hard. The tricky thing about any creative endeavor is that you only get better with practice. How will I know what I want to say if I don't try?

So this is me, once again, trying to write. Make it hurt so good.

New York State of Mind: How Not To Be Alone

This insightful essay by novelist Jonathan Safran Foer (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close) was adapted from his 2013 commencement address at Middlebury College.

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How Not to Be Alone by Jonathan Safran Foer, The New York Times

"Technology celebrates connectedness, but encourages retreat."

"Each step “forward” has made it easier, just a little, to avoid the emotional work of being present, to convey information rather than humanity. THE problem with accepting — with preferring — diminished substitutes is that over time, we, too, become diminished substitutes. People who become used to saying little become used to feeling little."

FULL STORY

just another unproductive monday

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Monday, Monday. I don't what it is but I never seem to be very productive on Mondays. It takes everything I have to haul my butt out of bed, make myself mildly presentable, and get to the office on time. And it's not like I party on the weekends. This girl won't every know what a hangover feels like. I can only imagine and it doesn't look good.

Once I'm at work my level of work efficiency is dismal at best. Same goes for my Monday night classes. I've had a Monday night class the past three quarters. When I get home, I crash in front of Netflixs until I decide to actually go to sleep and try again tomorrow. Laundry sits in the hamper. Dishes wait impatiently in the sink. Nothing ever gets done.

You would think that coming off the weekend I would be perky and at least somewhat refreshed. Nope, apparently not the case. Do you feel like you're less productive on Mondays? What do you do to get yourself motivated to face another week?

Help me cure my habitual case of the Monday blues!

Leaning In

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Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In" movement has me completely captivated. I even pre-ordered her book this weekend--a very uncharacteristic move for me.

My initiation occurred with the reading of the Levo League's blog post last week: "Why Levo is Leaning In". Next, I read the now well-known and widely criticized New York Times article: "A Titan's How-To on Breaking the Glass Ceiling". Then, I found Sandberg on TIME magazine's cover: "Confidence Woman". Suddenly the majority of my tweets reflected the hashtag #LeaningIn.

Is Lean In a modern feminist manifesto? I don't know yet and I'm not particularly invested in determining the accuracy of that label. It's not why I'm interested. For me, the "Lean In" movement provides means to identify the internal obstacles I face in relation to my ability to succeed professionally, as well as personally.

A key question Sandberg poses in her book is "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" This is a question well worth the asking, and one I pose to myself frequently.   

“Don’t let your fears overwhelm your desire. Let the barriers you face—and there will be barriers—be external, not internal.” - Sheryl Sandberg 

I'm very interested in identifying the internal barriers that hold me back. Those are ones I can control.

Being Mormon, I'm aware my views on family and career often differ from the average 20-something single girl just getting started. My deepest desire is to be a wife and mother. For me, that is the bottom line--that is what matters most. I greatly value education and contributing to society in a meaningful way, but having a high-power career isn't my number one, end-all goal. However, that doesn't mean professional success isn't important to me.

"For decades, we have focused on giving women the choice to work inside or outside the home. . . . But we have to ask ourselves if we have become so focused on supporting personal choices that we’re failing to encourage women to aspire to leadership." - Sheryl Sandberg

I didn't go to college to get married, what Mormons jokingly refer to as getting an MRS degree. I went to college to advance my studies and earn a degree. However, I always assumed marriage would come along during those years. I'm not sure what I thought would happen after graduation, but I know I didn't expect to face decisions about my future career alone.

Since graduating with my bachelor's degree in May 2010, I've struggled to figure out how to align my approach to my career in relation to my desire to become a wife and mother. I don't aspire to a professional position equivalent to Sheryl Sandberg. However, I want to do work I'm passionate about and challenge myself to take risks. Just because a high-profile career isn't my number one goal, it doesn't mean I can't or shouldn't excel and take on leadership roles in the workplace.

I see "Lean In" as an important piece of the puzzle I'm trying to solve. A new way to look and examine how I approach my life. We all deserve to feel empowered in all arenas. I want more experiences where I lean in rather than lean back.  

Additional great reads about Lean In and Sheryl Sandberg:

• Why Sandberg Matters for Real Women - TIME Ideas
• "Yes, You Can" - New York Times Sunday Book Review  
• "Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In Site and Groups Launch--Will They Make a Difference?" - Huffington Post
•  "Maybe You Should Read the Book: The Sheryl Sandberg Backlash" - The New Yorker
• "Here's What Lean In Is and Why You Should be a Part of It" - Levo League 

New York State of Mind

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 Why You Won't Be the Person You Expect to Be by John Tierney, The New York Times
"People seemed to be much better at recalling their former selves than at imagining how much they would change in the future."

Make Me Worry You're Not Ok by Susan Shapiro, The New York Times
"The stark, painful, inappropriate confession is the most essential part, the meat and potatoes, the soul and the sound bite, the raison d’être."

Writing About What Haunts Us by Peter Orner, The New York Times
"Our imaginations sometimes fail us for a reason."

Winter Blues

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January is a rough month--not an eloquent statement but I speak the truth. The holiday festivities have passed. Have you heard the song, "I cry the day I take the tree down?"

It's freezing outside. There's no reason to shave your legs or get a pedicure. Feet get nasty and cold. Cash flow is nonexistent thanks to Christmas. It was well worth it but still. Eggs for every meal intermixed with grilled cheese? Done. Five cups of hot chocolate every day? Yep, that's happening.

Bears have the right idea. Hibernation all the way. That would solve everything.

Seasonal affective disorder is a real thing. I deal with depression no matter the season but winter is a little bit harder. I have no motivation right now. I procrastinate to the max because I need the desperation and hang-over-my-head deadline to get something done.

I'm taking a magazine writing class this quarter. My instructor is awesome--she reported for the Wall Street Journal for over seven years and has her MFA in Creative Writing along with her master's in journalism.

This is the class I've waited to take. Writing for a magazine is what I would love to do. I should be super excited and motivated but my confidence has waned. I'm not thrilled or inspired. I blame the winter blues.

I've got to find my mojo...spring please come now!

Harnessing My Mojo

Last Monday I started a December intersession course on the press and the presidency. December intersession courses meet three times a week for three weeks with class periods running three hours long. It's been intense. Reading articles, writing papers, and studying for my first "midterm" have all but consumed my life. I've become a familiar face at the Starbucks near my office and spent way too much money eating out. It's tough trying to be on the ball enough to pack one meal let alone two. Am I right?

Despite the insanity last week was amazing. I was on top of everything, made it to the gym on my one night off, and did several social activities on Saturday. The only thing that would have made the week better was if I'd gotten my butt to church. I've slipped a little there again, not as bad as before but I still need to keep recommitting.

Last week I found the mojo I've been missing for a long time. All I kept thinking was, "Wow, I wish I could feel like this all the time!". This week, on the other hand, has been hell. I had an extremely offensive encounter with a doctor on Monday and late Tuesday night found out my grandmother had passed away. Plus, we also found out my dad's interview for a new job has been postponed until after the first of the year.

The icing on top of the crap sundae was having a paper due and my midterm on Wednesday, plus another paper due on Thursday. I stayed home from work Wednesday and studied my butt off while trying to be there for my siblings and parents as they dealt with my grandma's passing. Going into my test I felt sick and had a massive headache.

Although I didn't feel like I harnessed my mojo this week, prayer helped me make it through. I ended up doing really well on my midterm which felt really good. I worked hard for those A's. Now it's one more week of class, two papers, and a final exam to go.

Tonight I'm going to temper my social anxiety and go have fun with my friends seeing the Lincoln Park ZooLights. I really just want to go home and sleep but I know going out is important and that once I get there it will be a lot of fun (I'm silly, I know).

One more week baby!!!

What I've been up to lately...

Illustration by Katie Rogers of Paper Fashion

Over the past few weeks I haven't blogged consistently, if at all. As I've mentioned before, doing grad school and working full-time has taken its toll on my ability to balance everything in my life. However, I'm happy to say as of last Friday at exactly 12:00 noon I kissed another quarter of grad school goodbye! Can I get a woot, woot?!

This quarter I had the opportunity to delve into an new area of writing: politics. My class focused on hard news reporting, social media, and video editing (something in which I had absolutely ZERO experience). I feel like my skills and knowledge have grown so much. I was terrified going into the class but I was also determined to look my fear in the face and kick butt.

I've included links to all the work I've done this quarter in case you're interested in taking a peek. I think I'm most proud of my tweeting on Election Day. The Chicago Huffington Post even re-tweeted one of my tweets!

Happy Monday everyone!

Election Day Coverage:

• Election Day Proves Quiet on the Protest Front
• My Election Day Twitter coverage
• Red Line Project Storify - Election 2012: Social Media Coverage

Other Work This Quarter:

• Storify - Third Presidential Debate: Obama and Romney's final face-off
• 2012 Presidential Election Q&A: Chris Wernecke, DePaul College Democrats
• Cook County Expects Absentee Voting Increase