I'm going back home to the west coast...

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Last night I picked up my cap and gown. On Sunday I will graduate from DePaul University with a master's degree in journalism. All that stands between me and the finish line is one final paper that I'll finish and turn in tonight. I can hardly believe grad school is almost over. I actually made it!


In less than a month I will also bid farewell to the Windy City, which I've come to love over the past three years. Like in the song by Coconut Records', "Cause I miss you, I'm going back home to the West Coast..." Earlier this week I was offered a job at Gonzaga University in Spokane, WA. My dad recently started a new job with U.S. bank and soon my mom and sister will join my dad in Spokane. Now, I won't be far behind!

After almost 10 years of living at least a thousand miles away from my immediate family, we'll be reunited and see each other on a regular basis. I can't help but smile at the prospect of coming over for Sunday dinner, taking Brinkley and Skittles for walks in the park, and going to Gonzaga basketball games with my dad. My mom and I can do crafts together, I can visit my brother and his husband in Seattle, and my little sister and I can cruise the town in my new car (purchase forthcoming).

I feel incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to live closer to my family and move on to an awesome job with a fantastic university. I've always been impressed by Gonzaga--in fact, I almost went there for grad school--however, I knew at the time DePaul and Chicago were where I needed to be.

Chicago has been good to me. I've made some truly wonderful friends, had amazing experiences, and done some pretty awesome things. I'll always look back on my time here with fondness. It was hard to move to a city I'd never been to with absolutely no one to call a friend or even acquaintance, but although the journey hasn't been without its fair share of bumps and roadblocks, I'm proud of the life I've built for myself.

I will sincerely miss living in Chicago and the people I've met here who have changed my life. Leaving people you love is always the hardest part about change. But I feel like my future is bright and that Spokane is the perfect place to start the next chapter of my life.

This move, unlike many of my previous moves over the years, isn't fueled by the need to get away from a painful or bad situation. I'm not running away from anything or anyone. I'm choosing to move forward and pursue new opportunities so that I can continue to create the kind of life I seek.

With Heavenly Father's help, I making things happen and that feels really, really good.

don't want to talk about me

Do you ever feel like you need a break from yourself? Like if it were possible to tell yourself to take a flying leap, you would? I need some space in my relationship with myself. I get tired of facing the same problems and making the same mistakes over and over. I don't want to respond when asked the question "How are you doing?" or "How have things been?" because I don't even like my own answer. Blah, blah, blah. Same old story. You haven't figured this out yet? Come on, girlfriend!

Winter and grad school are getting to me. I'm ready to put Harper in her Sherpa, get on a plane bound for someplace warm, and not leave a forwarding address. Sorry family, looks like there won't be any graduation for you to come to in a few months. I know this is just the crazy talking. I'm not really going to quite grad school with only one class to go but boy it's tempting. I've got to dig my heels in and hang in there just a little bit longer. June 15th will come and I'll get my damn diploma.

Between #chiberia and #thundersnow, I'm convinced my toes will never see the light of day again nor will I have the need for a real pedicure. Grass--what does that look like? I feel like I live in the movie Frozen, but I have no sweet snowman named Olaf to sing to me and remind me of sunshine.

Spring and graduation please come quickly! This girl can't hold on much longer.

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diet coke insomnia

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I really should be sleeping but I have a lot on my mind and I think I drank a little too much diet coke close to bedtime.

Do you ever just feel like a total fraud? Like you're not even good at liking the things you like? Take reading for example. I love to read---books, magazines, newspapers etc. I'm a journalism grad student who doesn't read enough. I get the Wall Street Journal but admit I don't always make it past the headlines and front page. Time magazine comes in my mailbox every week but I don't always get around to reading it. I haven't read a novel in months.

Reading is just one, albeit very small, area I'm feeling inadequate in right now. Bigger ticket items include working out, eating healthy, my spirituality, and managing my finances. The list goes on.

My favorite journalism professor keeps encouraging and urging me to get my pieces published. What good is my work if no one ever sees it? You need clips to have credibility. Working full-time pulls my attention away from being a grad student. Combine that with the fact that my career goals don't necessarily match my journalism studies and the struggle to put forth the extra effort to get my pieces out there increases.

Time is such a precious commodity and yet it is so easy to waste. It's so much easier to consume episode upon episode of Friends in the background and pin things on Pinterest. Those activities require small ounces of engagement in the big picture. The big picture can be a lot to choke down every day.

So how do you balance goals, leisure time, and responsibilities? I don't think there is a solid answer but rather approaches and methods to try out. There are definitely times when I'm better at managing life than others.

Maybe the curse of living during this time is the constant competition for our attention. I keep thinking if I just had one day where I could get organized and find my center then I could change my everyday less than desirable habits. I think I may be wishing for a "day" that doesn't exist. Tomorrow always comes whether I'm ready or not.

Right now I just feel tired and inadequate. Where's the flipping reset button? It's a really, really good thing my mom is coming to visit in a few weeks because I need a hug. Like right now.

Confessions of My Unorganized Life

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Do you ever feel like you're going so fast and your to-do list is so long you can't stop to get organized?

I experience periods in my life where I feeling like I'm treading water. Even though swimming (i.e. taking the time to get organized) would be a more effective, faster way to reach my destination, I get stuck spinning in circles. It's what I know how to do, despite the fact that it's not really working so well.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I tell myself I'll get organized but too often I don't slow down and focus long enough to make it happen.

In the spirit of Usher, these are my confessions: 

• Reading a textbook while lying on my bed is a sure way to fall asleep and fall behind in class.
• Even with one set of dishes and no roommates I still have an overflowing, dirty sink.
• Working out after work rarely happens if I go home first or don't have something scheduled with a friend.
• Lying down for a "30 min" nap almost always turns into 2.5 hrs.
• Doing homework at home always takes me twice as long.
• Not making a grocery list ensures that I consistently forget at least two items I need to pick up.

Spring Break To-Do List

photo by Yui Otani

After my short presentation on my breast cancer story today (click here for full text), I'll officially be done with winter quarter. Hallelujah! I didn't think I was going to make it. This paper literally tried to kill me but I prevailed!

Next week is spring break and even though I'll be working my regular full-time job, I won't have to worry about school all week. Big sigh of relief. I plan on playing as much as I can and putting my extra time to good use.

Spring Break To-Do List

• Read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg and Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto
• Watch "Argo"
• Take my unwanted clothes to The Brown Elephant
• Go out with my friend Tasha
• Have brunch with Irish to celebrate making it through winter quarter together
• Update my resume and online portfolio
• Make an appointment to get my bangs trimmed

Wednesday Wisdom: Quit Slackin!

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Procrastination and I are too good of friends. We have a very dysfunctional relationship. And yet, I keep coming back for more. You can't get enough of what you really don't need.

It's finals week and my final story is due tomorrow at 11:45 am. Will I be pulling an all-niter to get it done? Yep. Is that completely my own fault? Uh-huh.

I've been working on it all month but it's hard to put forth the amount of time required in relation to my levels of energy and motivation. The combination of working full-time and going to grad school has kicked my butt this quarter.

Ready or not, in 24 hours it will be over! Now, quit slackin and make shit happen!

Winter Blues

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January is a rough month--not an eloquent statement but I speak the truth. The holiday festivities have passed. Have you heard the song, "I cry the day I take the tree down?"

It's freezing outside. There's no reason to shave your legs or get a pedicure. Feet get nasty and cold. Cash flow is nonexistent thanks to Christmas. It was well worth it but still. Eggs for every meal intermixed with grilled cheese? Done. Five cups of hot chocolate every day? Yep, that's happening.

Bears have the right idea. Hibernation all the way. That would solve everything.

Seasonal affective disorder is a real thing. I deal with depression no matter the season but winter is a little bit harder. I have no motivation right now. I procrastinate to the max because I need the desperation and hang-over-my-head deadline to get something done.

I'm taking a magazine writing class this quarter. My instructor is awesome--she reported for the Wall Street Journal for over seven years and has her MFA in Creative Writing along with her master's in journalism.

This is the class I've waited to take. Writing for a magazine is what I would love to do. I should be super excited and motivated but my confidence has waned. I'm not thrilled or inspired. I blame the winter blues.

I've got to find my mojo...spring please come now!

Harnessing My Mojo

Last Monday I started a December intersession course on the press and the presidency. December intersession courses meet three times a week for three weeks with class periods running three hours long. It's been intense. Reading articles, writing papers, and studying for my first "midterm" have all but consumed my life. I've become a familiar face at the Starbucks near my office and spent way too much money eating out. It's tough trying to be on the ball enough to pack one meal let alone two. Am I right?

Despite the insanity last week was amazing. I was on top of everything, made it to the gym on my one night off, and did several social activities on Saturday. The only thing that would have made the week better was if I'd gotten my butt to church. I've slipped a little there again, not as bad as before but I still need to keep recommitting.

Last week I found the mojo I've been missing for a long time. All I kept thinking was, "Wow, I wish I could feel like this all the time!". This week, on the other hand, has been hell. I had an extremely offensive encounter with a doctor on Monday and late Tuesday night found out my grandmother had passed away. Plus, we also found out my dad's interview for a new job has been postponed until after the first of the year.

The icing on top of the crap sundae was having a paper due and my midterm on Wednesday, plus another paper due on Thursday. I stayed home from work Wednesday and studied my butt off while trying to be there for my siblings and parents as they dealt with my grandma's passing. Going into my test I felt sick and had a massive headache.

Although I didn't feel like I harnessed my mojo this week, prayer helped me make it through. I ended up doing really well on my midterm which felt really good. I worked hard for those A's. Now it's one more week of class, two papers, and a final exam to go.

Tonight I'm going to temper my social anxiety and go have fun with my friends seeing the Lincoln Park ZooLights. I really just want to go home and sleep but I know going out is important and that once I get there it will be a lot of fun (I'm silly, I know).

One more week baby!!!